Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Cos it's my birthday!!!

I'm half asleep as I write this post, but it's my birthday and that's a good reason to defy sleep...
So much has been going on, most of it in my mind.

I'm usually happy, positive and excited. I'm wired like that. If you've read about temperaments, I'm a Sanguine. I'm an extroverted, friendly, hopeful girl who is easily distracted, lives for the moment, is almost always late and would easily win a gold medal for talking if it was an Olympic game :o)
I'm also very mischievous... This pic? That was me making faces on my wedding day. Need I say more?

These past few weeks though, I've had a dark cloud hanging over me. I've been so blue, it's hard to drag myself out of bed most mornings... Only God's grace has kept me going.

I'm usually in touch with my emotions and have to constantly work on not being controlled by my feelings, but I've worked out a system of blocking negative emotions by focusing on what's working and staying thankful. This has worked quite well and seen me through MAJOR tragedy.... *sigh* the things my eyes have seen...hmmmm... Only God's grace has kept me going.

Why then would this dark cloud not go away? It's not like anything bad happened to me. I only moved to a new country. Is that something to be sad about? I don't think so, cos I know it's an opportunity many would give an arm and a leg for... I can't explain it. I just DO NOT like it here. I feel like part of me closed down with my business in Nigeria. I miss my life back home. I miss my sisters and my brother. I miss my friends. I want to go home.

I'm sure that moving here now is the right thing for my family and I have no doubt in my mind that I'm where God wants me to be right now. Why then is that not enough reason to be happy? I don't know. I can't explain it. I'm just blue.
That's why I haven't been here a lot cos I would hate to project my negative emotions on y'all who take time out to come here. I'm not very good at masking my emotions (and I don't plan to ever be)... I'm happy you come here again and again and I don't plan on chasing you away by being negative.
I'm still thankful, still grateful to God for everything, but I'm still blue.

I woke up on Monday morning and thought to myself "It's time to take my joy back!" Enough of dragging myself through each day with no "Joie de vivre"... I dropped the munchkins off at daycare and went off to get pampered. I felt better after the manicure and pedicure :o) The massage chair? That one was something else! Enjoyment is good oh!!! You should've seen me. I was moaning audibly, going ooooh, ahhh...I am convinced that God didn't design me for suffering at all at all...I cannot afford to miss heaven. No way!!

My emotions are gradually catching up with my confessions and I'm positive things will get better. I'm not going to wait for this dark cloud to go away. I'll keep going. Day after day. I'll be strong. I'll keep holding on to His word
And now, dear brothers and sisters, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.Philippians 4:8-9
I'll keep dwelling on the positive.
Love, life, good health, the love of my life D, my precious munchkins Nathan and Alexis, my siblings and their husbands Tope, Jimi, Busola, Kunle and Dotun; my nieces Babara, Anjola, Toluwanimi and Temiloluwa; my dear friends who have become sisters; my blogfam, and the many many women who have become a part of my life through my business. I have a lot to be grateful for and I'm fixing my thoughts on them like Paul said to do.

When I finally fall in love with America, I'll look back at this post and smile, knowing that life isn't about waiting for the storm to be over, it's about dancing in the rain.

Happy birthday Gbemi

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Dozing off at the wheels...True story


That's how I feel right now. I can't remember the last time I felt like this. Yesterday, I dozed off at the wheels. I was doing about 65 miles on the freeway and I just found myself on another lane entirely!! I screamed, looked back at the muchkins who were fast asleep, said a quick "THANK YOU JESUS", turned up the music really loud and started to sing along to Donnie Mcclurkin's "Great is your mercy", which just happened to be what was playing. I shudder to think what could've happened. He really does give His angels charge over me!!
My natural tendency is to form "super(wo)man" and carry on like I'm on top of things, but right now, my energy is nowhere near enough. Thankfully I can find strength in the WORD

He gives power to the faint and to them that have no might, He increases strength.
                                                                                                                                    Isaiah 40:29

While my physical energy is at an all time low, my emotional energy is even lower, that's why you haven't seen a post in a while... I suck at everything when I don't feel so good, a habit I really need to outgrow... seems kinda childish and not appropriate for a thirty-something-year-old-mother-of-two ;P...Perhaps after my birthday in two weeks, I'll wake up and be all "grown up". Did I just hear you laughing at me *rme*...laugh all you want, I'll be fine hahaha
My coping strategy hasn't changed. Maintaining an attitude of gratitude isn't easy, but it works. There are the obvious things to be thankful for. For example, my lil sis just had another baby! God be praised!! What about the not-so-obvious-ones? For example, the day after we moved, I woke up in pain. This was after I was feeling all 'gangsta' cos I drove a U-Haul truck oh! :P...Anyway,  I couldn't find the energy to get out of bed and I thought to myself, "what's there to be thankful for???" Well, pain is a sign my body is functioning properly and my nerves aren't damaged, so there IS something to be thankful for. What if we didn't own anything that needed moving, or what if we didn't have an apartment to move to, or what if we didn't win the green card lottery that had us moving here in the first place???

We all handle change differently. What's your coping strategy?

Thanks again and again for sharing my journey and taking time out to leave comments. May your dreams come true xoxoxo

PS Thanks for your emails and calls when I was MIA. I feel so much better just writing this post. Special shout out to my girls Honeydame and Toyin

PPS Pictures of dresses will be up shortly. I have unpacked and there's lots of exciting stuff. The dressforms I ordered from amazon are here and I'm working out pricing at the moment. I'm marking some stuff down, so I can have an introductory price special :o) Watch this space

PPPS okay okay, It'll be the last PS I promise :o) Did I mention I have my first consultation this evening? She found me on here. I'm soooo excited *bbm dancing smiley*

 P.. just kidding *mischievious grin* see you again soon....