Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Of Sliding Tackles And Preventing Them

So, I saw this on Twitter

And these were my thoughts

Which led to some interesting conversations

So I thought a post would be a good idea.

See sliding tackle!
She would have sworn that her husband could never say those things to her. That's probably what hurts the most. Being blindsided.

We could focus on how evil he is, and how men are so and so, but that's not the point of this post. I'm not interested in him. I am interested in her. And myself. And you, reading this post.

How can we keep from being blindsided?

Ever so often, I speak to women (and sometimes men), who like this woman, are pained, disappointed, and shocked by betrayal. They never expected that their spouse would have an affair/be sexting with a colleague/expressing love for their ex/become verbally or emotionally abusive/*insert your own example here*. Even if they had had suspicions, the shock on actually finding evidence can be devastating.

Hearing of people who have had similar experiences, doesn't suffice as preparation for the shock. You see, these type of things aren't supposed to happen to people like us. They only happen to "those people", you know, the ones that are not as smart/sharp/educated/exposed as us. Those careless people, who didn't really pray before choosing a spouse, those sinners. Or those religious, holier-than-thou hypocrites, who are so out of touch with reality. Whichever applies.

Why is it so hard to acknowledge that anything can happen to anyone, ourselves inclusive? Like exploring worst case scenarios and doing a little more than saying "God forbid!" somehow puts a hex on our love?

Life happens.

But wait!
How can you say I should expect my partner to be evil?
What happened to expecting the best of people? Doesn't that show of a lack of faith in my partner.
Also, aren't we supposed to reject negative things and only expect positive things?
You know, speak in faith, calling things that be not as though they were, Hebrews 11 style.

Let me explain (before you bind me)

I am of the opinion that faith does not mean living in denial. Life happens and the many examples around us hold lessons if we care to pay attention.
I am making a case for being proactive. For taking precautions. Every time I put my seat belt on, I am preparing for a crash that might never happen. Yet, I put it on. I'm probably only doing it so I don't get written up by a cop, but still...

Like Proverbs 22:3 says,
A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions. The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
Acknowledge the possibility of undesirable outcomes, and have honest conversations with your partner about these things. Especially if they haven't happened yet.

For example, couples drift apart. That's a fact of life. If you acknowledge that this is a possibility, you can talk about it. What are we doing to keep the fire burning? That seems to me like a better plan than saying "God forbid!" and "It is well", without actively working to keep it from happening.

You might also want to consider losing the "hmmm...see them! they couldn't make their marriage work!" attitude for a "there goes I, but for the grace of God" one, when you hear of other people's struggles. They, like you, had good intentions.

What if it has already happened?
What does a person whose partner insists on being with someone else do?
That's a whole different post.
Look out for it.

Thanks for coming by again and again.
May your dreams come true.